Really, what does God say about divorce?
The rate at which marriages are being dissolved, and at which married couples are seeking for divorce is alarming.
Everyone who wants to have a successful marriage, and reap the full benefits of it has to get the full information from the author of marriage itself – God.
Is It A Sin To Divorce?
It will be a shocker for you to know that divorce has never been part of God’s will for man.
It is not part of his marriage plan.
For God, marriage has only one entry, and there is no exit at all. No backing out once you have entered into it.
Malachi 2:16 (KJV 1900):
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: Therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Look at the strong words that the bible used to describes God’s attitude towards divorce.
As far as God is concerned, hatred is never part of his nature.
He is a merciful and a loving father.
As a matter of fact, the bible says in 1 John 4:8, that God is love.
On very few occasions, the Bible tells us that God hates some things, and divorce is classified as one of them.
If you are still asking to know whether divorce is a sin, prophet Malachi has answered you already.
What do you call anything that God hates, sin of course.
Can Christians Get Divorce?
Divorce is a no go area for Christians.
Who has the authority to separate them?
Look at what the bible say
Mark 10:9 (ESV):
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
It is saddening, and a huge mockery against the church, when Christians married, and the next thing you hear is that they are seeking for divorce.
You will begin to wonder, what happens to the oath they made at the altar, and before God?
Obviously, they don’t know the implications of the oath.
What messages are they trying to pass across to unbelievers who do not see any reason why they should follow God’s instructions on marriage?
The questions goes on and on, but the bottom line is, to say the least, God is not happy at all when Christians seek for divorce.
He wants others to see the scriptures being fulfilled through us, so that they can be attracted to him.
What does God say about divorce to his children, and to those who are not?
He is saying the same thing, he hates it, and he does not want anyone to destroy what he has done.
Many people lack the knowledge of the reasons for marriage, and even why they are in one.
Such people quickly opt for divorce at the slightest opportunity, without exploring the options available to make the marriage hold.
9 Top Reasons For Divorce
Reasons why couples ask for divorce differ, but the following are the common ones:
- Lack of money.
Many marriages that have collapsed started on a good note.
The husband was having a good job, and there was money to spend.
Then all of a sudden, the breadwinner lost his job, or a critical health conditions that makes it impossible for him to continue with the job.
The wife may cope with the marriage for few years after that, then gradually she will begin to look for opportunity to pull out of the marriage.
Money is a big factor in marriage, but it should not be the driving force.
- Lack of intimacy.
Marriage is the platform on which serious intimacy between couples must take place.
As God ordained it, having sex together from time to time is what married couples have to do.
This is because their bodies will demand for sex, and failure to gratify it will lead to seeking for satisfaction outside the marriage.
That is one of the major reasons for infidelity in marriage today.
The word of God gives warning about this
- Infidelity.
This is having sexual relationship outside ones marriage.
It is a terrible sin before God.
Exodus 20:14
You shall not commit adultery.
It is one sin that is difficult for people to forgive, and it can create a total hatred between couples.
- Abuse.
There has been a recent increase in domestic violence and abuse.
Many of these have resulted into divorce, and also added to the reasons why some young people are staying away from marriage.
Abuse can come up when there is lack of love, or when married couplHowes don’t have mutual respect for each other.
What God said in Ephesians 5:25-26 is enough to prevent abuse in marriage.
- Lack of compatibility.
Many married couples discover soon after marriage that they are not compatible.
That is, they do not have what it takes to live together.
Some of them have too strong a personality that they find very difficult to change or sacrifice, for the sake of keeping their marriages.
This is the lot of many celebrities whose weddings were big news in the media, but never lasted in marriage for long.
Also, because many married couples do not know what God says about marriage, they discover that living with another person is not what they thought they know.
- Physical Appearance.
Many people got married based upon physical beauty, or physical appearance.
Ladies are looking for men that are tall, with strong, and big body frames, especially those that have six packs.
Men are looking for ladies with sweet smiles, shapely bodies, and elegant gait.
Of course, they will always find their choices, but then, they will soon realize that these are not requirements for marriage.
They quickly get used to those enchanting physical appearances, and as age sets in, they will discover that they are not as attractive as they use to be.
Those who are so strongly attached to this will not be able to cope.
This is more so when they find younger people outside who have the body build, and look that they cherish.
Many of them see no reason why they should be tied to their legally married spouse.
The result is separation.
- Early marriage or lack of maturity.
Early marriage is good because it allows the married couple to quickly settled down to the marriage life, and plan for their future.
The issue of immaturity is the problem in cases like this.
It is good to know that maturity has to do with individuals, and not a matter of age alone.
Many people don’t know what marriage is all about. They dabble into it because they feel they have found someone they love.
They soon find out that marriage is totally different from what they watch on television, read in books and magazines, or in social media.
They find out that they cannot cope with the pressure and responsibilities of marriage, and at the end they opt for divorce.
What does God say about divorce for young people who are looking to get married?
Ecclesiastes 9:9
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.
- Getting married for wrong reasons.
You will find the reasons why some people get married very absurd.
Some of them include:
Pressure from parents
To secure a good future
For beauty and physical appearance.
To raise a family.
To be at par with one’s age group.
For sexual gratification
The reasons just go on.
The problem is that, all of these reasons are not right for marriage.
When you get married for wrong reasons, the marriage is bound to fail.
- Lack of communication.
As simple as this may be, it is a very big factor among marriage breakers.
When married couples don’t communicate effectively, they will result to assumptions.
Each of them will suspect the other, based on what they think their mates are doing, and they will base their decisions and actions on that.
That can be very disastrous in marriage.
Many people are secretive in nature.
Unfortunately they bring this into their marriages, and their partner will not understand that.
What The Bible Says On Divorce (Preventing Marriage Dissolution)
The word divorce appeared many times in the bible.
Other words like “put away” and “separation” were also used.
In all, the Bible tells us in very clear terms that divorce is not part of God’s agenda for man.
What you will find more in the scriptures pertaining to this topic are set of instructions that can help couples to keep their marriages from breaking.
God knows all the problems of marriage, and he has put all the solutions in the bible for us to see, and obey.
These are the instructions:
- Be born again.
This is the first, and the most important instruction, the foundation upon which others lay.
See the full guide on how to be born again.
When you are born again it will be easy for the Spirit of God to guide you when it comes to the issue of marriage.
The nature of God will be formed in you to the point that some factors that break marriages like; abuse, infidelity, addiction, money, etc, will be absent from your marriage automatically.
Marriage is all about the personalities that are involved in it.
That is what make one home different from the other.
If the personalities have the right qualities and values for marriage, divorce will never surface in their marriage.
There are lots to gain in becoming a child of God.
It is a new life altogether. The ultimate solution to all the problems of man.
What does God say about divorce to those who are yet to surrender their lives to him (married or unmarried)?
He is saying, they need him if they want to make a success of their lives, and especially their marriages.
- Pray before choosing a partner.
You need more than your own wisdom, ability, and experience to get a right partner in marriage.
You need God who knows all things to guide you.
God can guide you if you ask him in prayers.
Abraham’s servant did in Genesis 24:12-15; when his master sent him to look for a wife for his son Isaac.
He got a perfect match for his master’s son through prayers and faith in God.
Prayer to God should precede any form of preparation, so that he can lead you in the right direction.
No matter how well you know somebody, that is not enough to base your marriage decision upon.
When you are able to choose right, you have eliminated most major causes of divorce in marriage.
What does God say about divorce to those who wants to get married?
He is saying, they are to pray and seek his face diligently to be able to choose right.
Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.
- Never rush blindly into marriage.
You want to choose the partner that you will live with for the rest of your life, and till death separate you?
That is not something you can rush into, or handle anyhow.
It is going to be one of the most important decisions you will take in your life.
Never marry under pressure, or to satisfy the wish of someone dear to you.
That can make you gamble away your happiness and peace for ever.
Age should not be considered as reason to marry just anyone that comes along your way.
It is better not to marry at all, than to get hooked to the wrong person.
Marriage is not a do or die affair, it is the kingdom of God that must not be missed.
What does God say about divorce to those who are not yet married?
They should make adequate preparation, and more importantly, include him the perfect matchmaker in their plans.
- Secret to a peaceful home.
Wife reverences your husband… husband, love your wife. Ephisians 5:25-26.
That is straightforward enough.
In the home front the husband is the head, and the wife, a helpmate.
That is the way God ordained it from the beginning.
The husband should take charge, and direct the affairs of the family while the wife support.
He should love his wife unconditionally, for that is the way Christ loves the church.
To the point that he laid down his life for the church.
When you love your wife, you will not see any other woman outside, no matter what beauty, or natural endowment she may has.
The wife should respect her husband and not see herself as equal or better than him.
She should perform her duty of taking care of her husband and the home.
No man will want to get separated from a woman who cares for, and satisfies his needs.
- Enjoy sex together.
This is very important. God ordained sex for married couples, and he expects them to enjoy it with each other.
When married couples deny themselves of sex, they unknowingly open the door for infidelity.
The two of them should discuss about it freely, and find the best way to go about it.
They should talk about their fears, expectations, beliefs, etc. They should be totally open to each other.
One should not abuse or exploit the other, everything should be done with the fear of God.
If possible, they can seek for counsels from experienced Christian couples, or from an established marriage counselor.
- Communicate with each other.
There should be open and free communication between couples.
One should not leave the other guessing about what he or she is doing.
Your spouse should be your best friend, that you have to discuss every issue about your life with.
Married couples should have listening ears, and should be interested in the affairs of each other.
This will help them to know each other well, a very crucial factor in marriage.
Married couples should be careful about the ideas of surprising their spouses, they should not carry it too far, it can backfire.
Communication ease tension, it dissolves doubts, it foster real peace in the home.
This is more so when you try to say the truth all the time, and you are not making your spouse to suspect you are hiding anything.
- Pray together, and grow spiritually.
Marriages are under attack by the devil.
Many of the things that are happening in homes leading to divorce today are not ordinary, but direct attack from the kingdom of hell.
This is the reason why married couples need to be prayerful.
They should agree together in prayers over all issues, and ask God for help over challenges that might come up.
God’s presence is always upon homes of prayerful couples, and he will give them insights, and solutions to challenging issues.
They should also endeavor to serve God through their local churches, and seek every avenue to grow spiritually.
When you give your time to God, he will give more attention to you and your things.
When you become more matured spiritually, you become master of situations and circumstances, and you know what to do at all times.
What does God say about divorce to the married?
They must fear God, and allow him to help them run their homes.
To prevent evils, and take care of unforseen circumstances.
Why Did God Allows Divorce (What Does God Say About Divorce)
In spite of all what the bible has said about separation in marriage that we have seen, the question is, why did God still allow divorce.
We have established the fact that God hates separation, and that it is never his will for man.
Jesus pointed out something to the Jews of his time about this issue.
Matthew 19:8–9
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
God allows it because of the hardness of their hearts.
That means divorce is a permissible will of God for certain reasons, and not his perfect will.
Bible experiences have taught us that it is not in the best interest of man to opt for God’s permissible will.
Examples in the bible:
All of these brought regrets, pains, and great suffering upon those who were involved.
Lot begged to escape to Zoar instead of the mountain, when God rained fire on Sodom. Genesis 19:18-21.
Israel asked for a king. 1 Samuel 8:4-6.
Abraham fathered Ishmael. Genesis 16:3-15.
Israel never destroyed all inhabitants of Canaan. Judges 1:27-36.
The two conditions attached to this permissible will of God, under which divorce can take place are;
- When a married person caught his or her partner in adultery. Matthew 5:31-32.
- When an unbelieving partner decides to leave a marriage on his or her own volition. 1 Corinthians 7:14-15.
What does God say about divorce for those who are caught in any of these two points mentioned above?
God is saying, there is a place for forgiveness.
He proved this is John 8:3-11, when a woman caught in adultery was brought to him.
The negative consequences of separation are so grave that any affected couple should explore all avenues to get reconciled instead of separating.
What Does The Bible Says About Remarriage After Divorce
There is only one condition given in the bible for Remarriage after divorce.
Matthew 19:9 (KJV)
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
The only option available is, you with remarry the person you have put away, or you remain unmarried for life.
That seals the answer for those who are asking what does God say about divorce, thinking they can separate from their partners, and marry any other person they want.
This makes everyone understands that God expects us to be married to only one person till death comes.
What To Do If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce And You Don’t
It is not an easy or straightforward situation, but you can take the following steps.
- Identify the real problem.
Take a deep and honest look at your home to know what is really wrong.
Know that you may be the cause of the problem, hence do not ignore or fail to acknowledge where you have contributed to the issue on ground.
- Take the issue to God in prayer.
That is the only hope you have, to get a real and permanent solution, call God into it.
Confess your sins, and that of your spouse, and ask him to touch his heart, and heal your marriage.
- Discuss with your spouse.
If your partner is someone you can still talk to, even as you are praying over the matter, discuss what you have discovered together, as you take the approach of someone who wants settlement.
Don’t blame him over any issue, just let him realize the problems that your separation will cause.
Let him bear all his mind, and state what he actually wants in the marriage.
Continue with your prayer, and ask others who can, to join you, God can turn the situation around to favor you.
What does God say about divorce for those whose marriages are under threat?
They are to commit the situation to God’s hands. He is the only one that can reverse the irreversible.
Read more: Top 25 bible verses about trusting God in difficult times.
How To Restart Life After Divorce
Life after divorce can either be better or worse, depending on your own peculiar situation.
If you have not, surrender your life to God, and let him take over now.
You need to use the opportunity to seek the face of God to know how he actually wants you to continue living your life.
It is also time to serve God. Spend your time, and resources for him.
One thing is sure, God can mend broken homes, he can restore all what has been lost.
What does God say about divorce to those who are already separated?
He is saying it is not time to start looking for another relationship, or living a reckless, sinful life.
It is a time to rebuild that which has been pulled down, so as to have a good start at life again.